Two days ago a staffer found himself in the tunnel between the Palace and Portcullis House, holding open the glass doors for former Tory Leader Iain Duncan Smith and soon-to-be former Tory Leader Michael Howard.

The staffer was mostly shocked when neither of the two men deigned to thank him for his courtesy. He told Recess Monkey, “I didn’t really expect IDS to say anything - he is the quiet man after all. But I never before realised Michael Howard was so rude”.

Despite the evident need for a parliamentary arm of the LibDem’s Politeness Police, Recess Monkey can confirm that not all Tories are rude - In fact, Kenneth Clarke, Boris Johnson and Edward Garnier are well known for their pleasant demeanour towards those of all backgrounds.

Garnier and Recess Monkey once found themselves killing time in one of the banqueting rooms, having arrived too early for a reception. Garnier launched into an anecdote about when he turned up to the Spanish Ambassador’s residence, only to find the event he was attending was being held in the embassy.

He said, “As I waited in the hallway, the Contessa positively glided down the staircase: Do you know the Contessa?”. “No, I don’t think I do”, was Recess Monkey’s response. “She asked me if I’d like to stay for a drink.. and.. well, the Contessa is very easy on the eyes, so I said yes - she’s a double Contessa you know, family ennobled by both the Spanish and the Hapsburgs…”

Recess Monkey (who still hasn’t met the Contessa) may have been somewhat lost at this insight into the mind of the average Tory; but at no time did Garnier stray from the most courteous behaviour.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com