There is a new phenomenon in politics. The “Pelling Doctrine” is named after brand new Croydon Central MP Andrew Pelling, who shortly after the election bared all about the breakdown of his marriage and his new-found comfort in the arms of 24 year old Lucy Slaytor. The Pelling Doctrine states that if you get elected to parliament, air all your dirty linen as early as possible so it’s no longer news by the time of the next election. The most recent adherent to the doctrine is the new LibDem MP for Birmingham Yardley, John Hemming. His wife is reported to be furious that he has got his 20-something assistant pregnant, although she did know of the affair and told journalists that he had had about 26 mistresses in the course of their marriage. Recess Monkey can’t quite put his finger on why Mrs Hemming stays with her multi-millionaire philanderer of a husband.

The annual parliamentary bike ride last Tuesday to promote cycling, was an enormous success. Over sixty MPs and peers took part in the event in Westminster, though the day did not pass without trauma. Battersea’s Labour MP Martin Linton, a keen cyclist, was wounded and ended up in hospital having his head bandaged. The injury, however, was not sustained at the event, Linton having come a cropper on his way to the event.

This week’s impassioned speeches and parliamentary chest-beating were provoked by a government bill to ban incitement to religious hatred. It appears that it is still legal to incite hatred against someone because they’re Jewish, Muslim or even Zoroastrian. The LibDems oppose the proposals on the grounds that comedians won’t be able to make jokes about the Pope or Abu Hamza. The Tories oppose the bill on the grounds that they’re still trying to stop MP Ann Winterton making jokes about people’s race, so if you make religion taboo, she’ll have nowhere left to vent her prejudices. Religion is not the only area of discrimination that is still acceptable. It is of course legal to incite hatred against ginger people. Recess Monkey called Charles Kennedy’s office to see if he would support an amendment to the bill that would protect the rights of gingas. Kennedy’s spokesman said, “It certainly wasn’t in the manifesto - but we are entering a policy review period.”

Not to be left behind by Tory and Labour leadership machinations, the Lib Dems are attempting to stir their own internecine rivalries. Matthew Taylor is said this week to have bragged that Paul Holmes,his opponent for Chairman of the Parliamentary Party, had “little support”, shortly before losing the position to him 36 votes to 23. Taylor as a friend and ally of Charles Kennedy, is now banished to backbench obscurity, unless the leader wants to eject someone else to give his mate a job. The result is a coup for long overdue leader-in-waiting Simon Hughes, who is said to see Taylor as one of the few credible rivals to his ambition.

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