In the much-hyped year of Africa, just days before Gordon and Tony go to Gleneagles to sort out that continent’s problems, the largest powdered baby-milk provider, Nestle, has been offering MPs free tickets to Wimbledon. It would perhaps be indiscrete to name the MPs who have taken up the offer, and as MPs only have to register gifts over the value of about £600, we may never know their names. However, Recess Monkey can confirm that the MP facilitating this distribution of Nestle’s generous hospitality is none other than Tom Levitt. Levitt serves as a ministerial PPS (bag carrier) at the Department for International Development. No conflict of interest there then.

During a debate last week, Dr Phyllis Starkey MP was jumping up and down quite strenuously, trying to get the Speaker’s attention, when she was espied from across the chamber making sudden and unexpected adjustments to her outfit. Further investigation reveals - ahem - that the good Doctor’s dress strap had broken leading to a “Judy Finnegan” moment and the exposure of rather more than she had intended. A friend of the MP tells Recess Monkey, “It was all over in a flash and she had done up her jacket to protect her modesty long before any elderly Tory member had cause to be concerned for his blood pressure.” If this becomes a trend, the little-watched BBC Parliament digital TV channel will have to go pay-per-view.

The Fabian Society’s summer bash on the Palace of Westminster’s terrace on Tuesday night went swimmingly, with various intellectuals hob-nobbing with the cabinet. That was until a barrister approached Home Secretary Charles Clarke and asked him what he intends to do for juniors at the bar to prevent them going on strike over pay. Clarke’s response was, “I don’t like barristers, I don’t care about barristers and if you don’t like the situation, you didn’t have to get into it.” At this point, the young lawyer mauled the Home Secretary, telling him, “That’s the same kind of drivel I heard from the Tories in the Eighties when I was a nurse. Tomorrow, I’m going to Middlesex Crown Court for which I will be paid £50.” Later on, Clarke buttonholed the lawyer saying, “I’m very sorry, I shouldn’t have given you my personal opinion. The official position is that we’re reviewing the matter.” Young barristers will no doubt have a new confidence in the outcome of that review.

An excitable young MP’s researcher has reported to Recess Monkey that he overheard John Redwood in conversation with a Tory colleague about the party’s leadership marathon. “It’s a bit like watching a match between two people who have already been relegated”, he is reported to have said in reference to David Davis and Kenneth Clarke. However, on interrogation, the vulcanesque Redwood refused to crack, saying, “It was not a reference to the Tory leadership race. I categorically did not say any such thing about David Davis.” Recess Monkey notes Redwood quite pointedly didn’t “categorically” deny this was his opinion of Kenneth Clarke.

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