Is it just me or has everything gone a bit freaky? There are police everywhere on the trains and underground. Firearms officers have shot a young man who was slightly brown and had a heavy bag. I saw a young black man with a bag being frisked in Charing Cross Station this morning. I’m a (relatively) young, slightly brown man who carrys a heavy bag! I’m caught in a trap where al Quaeda Yorkshiremen want to blow me up and the police want to shoot me. I could be in a sniper’s crosshairs right now!

No wonder everyone’s a bit on edge. Last week, a full scale armed security alert was triggered in Portcullis House when the Serjeant @ Arms dept received a flurry of calls relating to shouting, running and general kerfuffle on the 5th floor.

By the time the hit squad got to the 5th, the suspicious character had left the building, leading to a general search for him and a scout for bombs and booby traps.

A little while later the perpetrator of this crime, being a passholder, returned to the building and was promptly hauled in by the armed police for a thorough interrogation. After a short period of Guantanamo-style brutality, the hapless Researcher admitted that he had just been offered a job, run into the corridor to shout for joy and then gone out for some fresh air, realising he had got a bit hot under the collar.

Rumour has it that Charles Clarke is insisting the young man is imprisoned indefinitely without trial � just in case.

However, the current freakishness hasn�t been all bad for everyone. Not only are Met Police overtime hours being ratcheted up to record levels, but the Palace has backed down in its pay dispute with Security Officers after the results of a ballot - showing that 75% of SOs would go on strike if wages were cut to �14k � found its way onto the desk of the Black Rod, the Serjeant @ Arms and Mr Speaker himself.

MP Steve Pound is also doing his bit. He has written to a clutch of the great and good demanding that the Palace cafeterias are opened late into the evening during recess. He has highlighted that Security Officers working nights have to order out for pizza if they get hungry. Pound has helpfully suggested that any one of those pizza deliverers could be an al-Queda suicide bomber armed with a booby-trapped and cholesterol-packed supper.

What is the world coming to?!

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