Recess Monkey is proud to announce the defection of Rehman Chishti, Labour Candidate for Horsham 2005 to the new cuddly, friendly, Cameroonian Tory Party.
A source close to the Prime Minister has just phoned me having seen the treacherous cad recording a piece for TV.
Rehman’s a 27 year old, 5′5″ Barrister with the most amazingly plummy voice you ever heard. In fact, listening to his tortuous dipthong contortions is so entertaining, it’s hard to actually take in anything he says.
Well I hope he enjoys his new-found safe Tory seat and Tory friends. Horsham MP Francis Maude no doubt escorted his erstwhile opponent to the Tory Fold. Strangely, Recess Monkey has received no such invite from his Tory victor at the 2005 election.
Safe Tory constituencies will tonight be shuddering at the thought of a brown Labour defector being foisted upon them - possibly for 40 years. All I can do is reassure Conservative Associations that at least he’s not gay - I last saw him at Labour Spring Conference 2005 in Gateshead, deep in conversation *ahem* with a leggy blonde who looked like she was about to go to a fancy dress party as a Footballer’s mother in law. though I could be wrong there.
They do say that you don’t have to be a racist or a homophobe to be a member of the Tory Party, but they do ask you to tick one box or the other on the application form. I wonder which box Chishti ticked?
On a final note, anyone wising to congratulate Chishti (also known as Atta-Ur-Rehman Chishti) on his defection or send him an e-card should contact him. I’m sure he needs all the support he can get at this difficult time. Mobile: 07703 484504. Email: raychishti@hotmail.com
recessmonkey@gmail.com
editor[at]recessmonkey.com
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Told you it wasn’t me.
Let’s hope he is as big as success for the Tories as he was for us in Horsham.
http://politics.guardian.co.uk/hoc/constituency/0,9338,-1029,00.html
Kerron said this on March 15th, 2006 at 6:06 am
http://www.medwaycouncil.labour.co.uk/ViewPage.cfm?Page=10188
“He was a part of the NUS executive and vice chair of the Labour students in Wales whilst at university. Following on from that, he has been the political aide to the former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto, and worked for both MEP Peter Skinner, and MP for Peterborough, Helen Brinton.”
Helen Brinton/Clark - I might have known she’d have popped up somewhere in this. :-/
Kerron said this on March 15th, 2006 at 6:14 am
im brown and a Tory wheres my fucking safe seat?
J said this on March 15th, 2006 at 6:42 am
Monkey. Can you please confirm to me, and the rest of your readers, that this new upstart is not your favourite Tory Asian? And that honour will be bestowed, until his last breath, to “the Future”.
BarryBeef said this on March 15th, 2006 at 6:48 am
I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that Labour has (or in this case had) the hottest male totty in politics.
I was watching the BBC statement on the telly earlier and positively salivating over James Purnell.
Rob F said this on March 15th, 2006 at 8:05 am
My gay friends in Parliament would tend to disagree. Their considered opinion is that the ranks of Tory researchers are stuffed with studs.
The House of Commons gym is apparently the place to be to make that decision
Red Tamarin said this on March 15th, 2006 at 8:28 am
So presumably the leggy blonde was taller than him?
BJ said this on March 15th, 2006 at 8:31 am
Steady, steady. That’s the *Parliament* Gym, I thank you. You bloody Commons lot think you own everthing
Baron Fenwick of Lords Researcher
Rob F said this on March 15th, 2006 at 9:25 am
The number publishing thing - what is that in aid of Monkey?
Guido Fawkes said this on March 15th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Since RobF appears to be a LibDim, shall we at least all agree that they have the least attractive male researchers? On the whole, I always thought Labour had the best by far but there was a smattering of well-groomed Tory boys fed on good food who did not suffer from too much inbreeding.
Simon said this on March 15th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
It’s a bit off posting the sod’s phone number, surely?
Ralph Gideon said this on March 15th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
Ralph,
It’s in the public domain - a 3 second google search. And he might welcome supportive text messages from sympathetic comrades.
Recess Monkey
Recess Monkey said this on March 15th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
I am a Lib Dem Lords researcher and I do not know who the hell this man is!
Tom Kiehl
visitor said this on March 16th, 2006 at 12:36 am
I hate to nit-pick (he lied) but isn’t he a Labour defector?
Hughes Views said this on March 16th, 2006 at 1:17 am
Who the hell is Tom Kiehl?
Guido Fawkes said this on March 16th, 2006 at 3:25 am
I think he’s talking about Rob F, who commented above, claiming to be a Lib Dem researcher.
Aconite said this on March 16th, 2006 at 4:23 am