Investigative staff on Recess Monkey have uncovered evidence that Tory Chairman and Rehman Chishti mentor Francis Maude controls a £1 million investment in hardcore pornography.

Maude, who likes to be an MP between running the Tory Party and making loads of cash in the private sector, is Chairman of the Jubilee Investment Trust PLC, which has invested in porn firm Jill Kelly Productions at least since 2004.

Jill Kelly (pictured above) is an artiste of the porn genre and Recess Monkey spent many hours on the internet researching the right picture to illustrate her talents without offending sensitive readers.

JKP has made a number of films since Maude’s involvement, which clearly reflect his commitment to the inclusion of homosexuals and ethnic minorities in the Tory A List, which he heads up for David Cameron. These include, “Anally Yours”, “When The Boyz are Away the Girls will Play”, “An Ass Lovers Dream”, “100% Anal # 2″, “Giving Ass”, “100% Interracial #3″ and “Asian Divas #5″ - and who could forget that classic, “Bisexual Dreamgirls”.

However this does explain why the Tory Candidates priority list is known as the “A List” rather than the “Gold List” as Francis doesn’t seem to invest in any of that really dirty shit. Of course, Recess Monkey will be watching with amusement as the wingnuts at Cornerstone and Conservativehome get to hear about this while enjoying Tory Conference in Bournemouth this week.

Funnily enough, I was just the other day idly scratching out with my girlfriend a business model for an “ethical” porn business. Trouble is it would cost loads of money - I’d need investors to make it work. Now hang on a minute… Where did I put Maude’s number?…

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