REPORT FROM A SOURCE FORMERLY CLOSE TO THE PRIME MINISTER
At the Tooting Tories’ Open Primary, about 160 people turned up - compared to the roughly 250 outright Labour members who turned up to select Sadiq Khan for the last election. Of course a number of people turned up for both, just to ensure the Tories selected the “right” candidate. (ahem)
The Tories in Tooting are so up with modern technology that everyone who registered via their website, as asked to do so on their promotional literature, wasn’t on their list at all and needed to queue and then know which local government ward you live in (which of course your average voter knows off the top of their head!?!) so they could look you up on the electoral register.
When the first candidate got up to be interviewed by Stephan Shakespeare her mic hadn’t been plugged in - cue much frantic scurrying round by pin stripe suited young Tory workers. (”wankers surely? - ed)
Nothing outstanding from any candidates - in fact the first two were so dreadful the Labour contingent in the audience suspect it may have been rigged to give Mark Clarke an easy run. Clarke said he’d be happy to vote against a 3 line whip - I wonder how CCHQ will feel about that. He also promised to “move back to Tooting IMMEDIATELY if selected” and that telling his mother he was a Tory was harder than if he’d told her he was gay (very modern Conservatism!?!) He also claimed to have got 10 young Tories to deliver 30,000 leaflets in Battersea the other month, though his glossy/ smarmy election leaflet claimed it was 30 people delivering 10,000 leaflets (Mark “I never lie - ever” Clarke said it was 10 volunteers delivering 10k on his video - ed). He’s also so in touch with Tooting residents that he claimed Sadiq Khan MP hadn’t been to one particular ward for months - even though the local Labour Party, including Sadiq, had canvassed the ward with 25 people just 3 weeks ago!
But probably, the highlight of the evening was the panic of the Wandsworth Tory councillor sat next to A Source Formerly Close to the PM when the two gentleman sat in front of us went to relieve themselves. Despite being reassurred by A Source Formerly Close to the PM that he was sure they’d just gone to the gents, she was all for following them to check because, to use her exact words “but they’re Asian and they’ve left a bag”!
Same old Tories!!!
editor[at]recessmonkey.com
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I think it would be fair to say that Mr Clarke is a regular...
This is really tedious. This Mark Clarke fellow clearly looms large in your world but not in that of your readers, can you move on please?
Even if you had enough worthwhile criticism, nobody likes a constant whinger, and worst of all your post is boring.
The more you write, the more you seem a bit obsessed by him.
Get over it already and say something insightful or funny or don’t bother.
Biodun said this on February 15th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
If you’re that bothered Biodun, maybe u should take a bit of ur own advice!
pisspoor said this on February 15th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Rember; Aahley Crossley.
Grand Muffty said this on February 16th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I’m so depressed - there was a time when this website was funny, what happened? Like anyone gives a toss about your inane attempt to disrupt the Tories in Tooting. I clearly need to waste my recess elsewhere
David Cameron said this on February 16th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
You guys are just a sad bunch of losers full of venom and vindictiveness. Get a life and move on to somthing else more fruitful. No wonder politics in this country is so bereft of ideas and positive people who want to make a difference. You are the perfect example of our culture of insular party politics without reason and purpose. Move on and change the record.
Mr Millions said this on February 20th, 2007 at 11:02 am