Recess Monkey is currently investigating reports that an MP has given his assistant a record-breaking five-figure redundancy package. Rumour has it that as the assistant walked into the office un-announced, he came across his boss giving a young man what can only be described as a “desk job”.
While it goes without saying this MP couldn’t possibly have bought his former staffer’s silence with money from the office costs allowance, it does raise other questions.
1. Is inadvertantly witnessing your boss buggering a young man over the desk blotter grounds for dismissal?
2. Couldn’t they have got a room?
3. Should MPs’ staff live in fear of encountering naked parliamentarians around the estate or should MPs be required to adopt some form of code of conduct?
4. If your boss walks in on you, for instance, rogering an intern on the office comfy chair, does that mean the MP still stumps up two years’ wages as a redundancy package?
Whatever the answers to these questions, staff will be aware now of a new source for their Christmas bonus - if ever you hear suspicious noises coming from the office, walk in as silently as possible - and having a cameraphone in your hand could be worth another zero on the cheque.
editor[at]recessmonkey.com
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Come on Monkey, this is no fun if you can’t give us any names, or at least give us some clues. Which party does this MP belong to? Is he a minister or in the shadow cabinet? Where is his office located (so we can stay far away).
Paris Penguin said this on August 31st, 2007 at 8:41 am
I would love to tell you the name because it’s just so funny. However, as none of the three people present at the event would be inclined to give evidence in court to defend me, I’d better just keep schtum.
Recess Monkey said this on August 31st, 2007 at 10:29 am
Damn you, monkey. Can’t you at least give some clues? That’s the beauty of a good blogger or diary columnist - they can hint and not land themselves in the crapper but still give people a good idea of who they’re talking about. At least give us a clue, man!
Paris Penguin said this on August 31st, 2007 at 10:52 am
I really don’t think it’s my job to “out” those who keep their sexuality a private matter.
Recess Monkey said this on August 31st, 2007 at 11:07 am
Doesn’t sound like it was very private to me. Anyway, if that’s the case then what was the point of this posting?
Paris Penguin said this on August 31st, 2007 at 11:11 am
Right, unless you tell us now, I will have to spill the beans about precisely why you were in Soho as a supposedly innocent observer to yet another MPs misdemenours.
I have no choice
David said this on August 31st, 2007 at 12:07 pm
A certain gorgeous MP has been caught at it in Parliament by a member of staff in the past, but not it has to be said with a member of the same sex.
Red Tamarin said this on August 31st, 2007 at 1:04 pm
A Gorgeous MP - now that really narrows the field
David said this on August 31st, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Not Tom Watson then was it?
Paris Penguin said this on August 31st, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I take it that when seeking new employment, the assistant will be expected to give a less than honest answer to the question ” and why did you leave your last employment?”
Angelina said this on August 31st, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Please don’t whatever you do send me an email with the name(s) … as I wouldn’t be able to stop myself publishing this.
Perhaps some off shore blogger will get wind of it all?
PS Are pay offs and recent staff changes in the public domain at all?
Would there be a W4MP advert in the offing?
Chris paul said this on September 1st, 2007 at 11:48 am
I think the fact that a generous redundancy package was involved would rule out Redwood. On the subject of being caught pants down. What about Republican Senator Craig being found having a George Micheal moment.
Angelina said this on September 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am
there is a certain tory MP of, shall we say, stunted growth, that springs to mind as a prime suspect
thetruthshallsetyoufree said this on September 11th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Ah - senator craig - he of the unusually wide stance
Recess Monkey said this on September 11th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I’ll be honest - the union didn’t negotiate this one! And lay off Tom Watson, Pingu, I’m sure many people find him gorgeous…
Kevin said this on September 13th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
thetruthshallsetyoufree, You mean he was standing on something to enable him to reach?
Angelina said this on September 13th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
maybe the aforementioned “young man” was also tres short?
thetruthshallsetyoufree said this on October 2nd, 2007 at 11:02 am
Good point. The House is probably full of short people. I noticed when visiting it that everything in the chamber is perfectly sized for for those nearer five foot than six. I say this as someone of 5′3″.
Angelina said this on October 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 pm