After the Recess Monkey interview on Radio 4 was broadcast on Sunday, I received the following email from a BBC insider;

“Very clever of you to proclaim you’re looking for a lady to an audience of over 500,000. How many propositions have you had so far? If the BBC switchboard suddenly breaks down from an overload of calls, then I am holding you personally responsible!”

Quite incomprehensibly, there have been no propositions and the BBC switchboard remains intact.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

Thanks to the Adam Smith Institute, I now have a picture of Tuesday’s Blogosphere Conference.

Needless to say, Recess Monkey did not get his banana peeled.

If you want a more serious take on the event, i recommend Ms Th’nkwell.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

Any staff still around at ten to six last night would have been getting hungry. So those with foresight who booked tables in the Palace restaurants, which we are traditionally allowed to do on Thursday evenings, were not pleased to receive the following email;

“We regret that due to the exceptional business of the House this evening, we are unable to honour staff bookings for our restaurants so that priority can be given to Members. We apologise for the inconvenience that this will cause.
Director of Catering
House of Commons
Refreshment Department”

However, It wasn’t only staff who were inconvenienced by yesterday’s display of disorganisation. Last night was due to be the last big training session for semi-finalists in the Annie’s Bar Pool Tournement. Competitors were due to go down to Reilly’s in Victoria but were kept in the Palace waiting for votes and “Messages from the Lords”.

There is a suggestion that this was the primary aim of the Tory-dominated Lords. The Tories are still smarting that they have no representation in the semi-finals, the last four being three Labour MPs and a Civil Servant.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

Right now the Hunting Bill is creating yet more trouble in the Commons. We have just observed scenes of confusion as Peter Bradley thought he was moving a Government amendment to a Lords amendment when he was merely speaking to the motion and Alan Beith raised a point of order.

Eventually the Speaker sorted it all out by saying effectively that Peter Bradley didn’t know what he was talking about.

Thrilling stuff eh!

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/articles/14808427?source=Evening%20Standard&ct=5

Charles Clarke just earned some brownie points for making a statement very obviously not pre-checked by election supremo and New Labour Lord High Executioner, Alan Milburn.

The statement was in response to Prince Charles’ criticism of the British education system in that it makes too many children feel they can achieve aspirations above their station.

Charles Clarke’s unambiguous response was widely reported and a short web search or following the link above will take you to the detail. However, one Clarke comment sums up his sentiments beautifully, “Well, we’re not all born to be King”.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

The Sports and Social Club runs by a simple principle, “What happens in the S&S stays in the S&S”. This guiding tenet ensures that MPs, Peers, Staff and journalists can all let their hair down without fear of seeing themselves in the next Sunday’s News of the World - er - well there was that time the NoW ran five pages about an S&S barmaid who happened to be a £500 a night hooker with a sideline in cocaine supply - but we try not to talk about that.

Anyway, the highlight of the Palace of Westminster social scene is the Sports & Social Club Karaoke Night. This will take place on 25th November from 7.30pm. It costs just £1 for members (and that’s members of the Sports & Social Club, not of Parliament) and £2 for non members, although membership itself is only £5 a year.

The evening may get tense as Recess Monkey gets into a “sing off” with a certain front-line MP’s Elvis-lovin’ Researcher who prefers not to be referred to on this site. For the sake of his anonymity, I think I shall refer to him only as, “The King” in future.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

There is no evidence that this seminar below has been organised for the benefit of those MPs currently defrauding the Members’ Tea Room Smoking Consultation, however, you know who you are, and the Library also seems to know you need to be talked to.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

Subject Area: Public trust in Politics
Date: 29th November 2004
Time: 5.00 - 6.00pm
Location: Wilson Room, Portcullis House

This talk is the fifth in a new series which Library subject specialists (together with staff from POST) are giving on a range of topics in the coming months. Although there is no formal requirement to register, it would be helpful if you could respond to Bosede Kumuyi by Wednesday 24th November to indicate if you are likely to attend. This will help the Library to gauge numbers.

The Members’ Tea Room is a place where staffers really can’t go - unlike all sorts of other places where the rules can be nudged a bit. As such, this historical bastion of chicanery and intrigue still holds mystery, even for seasoned staffers like Recess Monkey.

Currently the Members’ Tea Room is consulting MPs as to whether it should be made a wholly non-smoking area. However, there seems to be a flaw in the consultation process. Certain MPs have been seen, fag in mouth, filling in sheet after sheet of response forms to ensure the pro-smoking view is disproportionately represented.

And MPs wonder why the public doesn’t have trust in politicians!

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

Tory spokesman for Environment & Transport Tim Yeo is widely seen as among the more sophisticated MPs. This is quite clearly a man who knows a good car, a good shirt and even a good wine. in terms of smoothness, the man is on a scale of his own. As an example, not long ago at an event in Whitstable, which is famous for oyster fishing, Yeo was asked if thought oysters were a good aphrodisiac. His instant response was, “I have not had any need to research the subject of aphrodisiacs”.

Smooth Yeo expressed his smoothness again today at lunch in the Churchill Room. Some time into his meal, Yeo was observed having his wine sent back, despite having drunk half the bottle. The Monkey Mole present, being a wine lover, took a discrete interest in this rare occurrence and ascertained that the wine was unacceptable to Yeo not for its taste - but for its colour.

Having noted the wine, my Mole informs me that Yeo had deftly - even smoothly - avoided paying £28 for this particular bottle.

It’s good to know someone around here is upholding standards.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com

The future of the Lords Bar is high on the list of matters being discussed in the Palace corridors. The bar was reopened after the recess in shrunken form, which has forced many drinkers into the Sports & Social Club, the Strangers Bar, Bellamy’s and even Annie’s.

However, staffers were shocked to hear that not only has half the bar been closed pending conversion to a restaurant but as of 23rd November, smoking will be banned in the Lords Bar.

Also surprising is the news that the restaurant conversion will take two years to complete. Can you imagine how the contract negotiation went on that one? Who takes two years to convert a couple of rooms into a restaurant? Surely it would be quicker to build a new one from scratch? Hopefully I’ll still be here in some capacity or another to enjoy the new eatery when it opens.

Recess Monkey
recessmonkey@gmail.com