As the end of the session approaches, I am reminded that there is an EDM that staffers may wish to put before their employers.

Recess Monkey

EDM 181

CONDUCT OF THE HONOURABLE MEMBER FOR SHREWSBURY AND ATCHAM

Linda Perham, Vera Baird, Mr Harry Barnes, Mr Harold Best, Peter Bradley, Richard Burden, Mr Ben Chapman, Mr Michael Clapham, Frank Cook, Mr David Crausby, Mrs Ann Cryer, Mr Andrew Dismore, Paul Flynn, Mr George Foulkes, Jane Griffiths, Mr Jon Owen Jones, Lynne Jones, Mr Terry Lewis, Tim Loughton, Rob Marris, Mr Bill Olner, Christine Russell, The Reverend Martin Smyth, Jon Trickett, Mrs Betty Williams

That this House calls upon the honourable Member for Shrewsbury and Atcham to apologise for bringing into question the moral standards of Members’ staff en masse in his interview in The Sunday Times on 30th November; and regrets that the Member has for this purpose used influence in the media which is rarely available to staff.

Pity Portsmouth North MP Syd Rapson, who with great foresight, booked his Labour Party conference accommodation long ago. In fact, he booked his hotel so far in advance, it has had time to go bankrupt and re-open under new ownership. Something he has only just discovered.

Anyone with a spare bed and a good heart should let him know.

Recess Monkey

Recess Monkey has just received the following intelligence:

“If you want some (anonymous of course) gossip, a few weeks ago I was in Gordon’s Wine Bar (the dingy former Kipling watering hole down by the embankment) with some friends, and found myself sat behind Lembit Opik, who was drinking with a bloke who looked like an extra from Only Fools and Horses. I watched with a mixture of disgust and admiration as Opik moved in on a table of nubile 20-something women next to us. If I were Sian I’d be worried. I predict stormy weather ahead.”

I have enormous sympathy. Recess Monkey is often accused flirting with young ladies but so few people understand the difference between flirting and just being friendly. I also understand that, being a celebrity, you often get attention from people and you have an obligation to be polite. I think my source might have over-read this particular event.

Recess Monkey

Can I throw my caveat in first. I don’t have any problems with Joe Murphy, who in my experience is a respectable and professional journalist. In fact, of Joe’s team, only his deputy offends me.

Paul Waugh, a man I don’t know personally, left the Independent after reporting an off-the-record conversation with Number 10 press officer Tom Kelly, in which the late Dr Kelly was described as a “Walter Mitty” character. I’m willing to concede that maybe this was reasonable betrayal of trust, given the public interest, but yesterday he did much worse.

Yesterday’s Evening Standard ran a Waugh story on its front page about how Tony Blair’s personal life nearly led him to resign earlier in the year. Although the story was on the back of a roundabout comment by Lord Bragg, pretty much every journalist in the lobby has known the details for months now and they are unambiguously personal. There is some debate as to whether the Sun or the BBC first got the story; but what is clear is that the media industry at the time felt it would be dishonourable - and not in the public interest - to run the story.

John Humphrys on this morning’s Today Programme refused to go into Blair’s personal life, even though the Standard yesterday published everything around the story but the story itself. Waugh should take a step back and think to himself why honourable journalists don’t publish certain things and what that says about his character. Or maybe he was off sick the day they taught ethics at journalism school.

Waugh isn’t the only source of my ire, Amanda Platell has an unerring ability to get on my nerves. Yesterday, she wrote a short piece entitled, “You can take the Beckham out of Essex…”. Well I’m from Essex and I don’t appreciate snotty whingers like Platell making snyde inferences about people from a place she obviously doesn’t know. I’m also no great football follower but even I recognise there are significantly more people in Britain who consider David Beckham to be a national hero than think of Amanda Platell in the same terms - even though he’s from Essex.

Another thing pissing me off is the change in the paper’s line on Crossrail. It’s a £10bn rail project that will help bring regeneration to some of the poorest areas in London and the South East. The Evening Standard’s City Diary yesterday was talking down the chances of raising the money required to build the scheme, even though they know the line will pay for itself eventually. For heaven’s sake, we’re spending twice as much on the Eurofighter that won’t do anything for deprivation in London.

Yesterday’s final transgression was the diary piece below:

Copyright 2004 Associated Newspapers Ltd.
The Evening Standard (London) September 14, 2004

Politicians are often accused of leaking; now Portcullis House in Westminster has become the mother of all leaks. The £240 million extension to the Houses of Parliament, designed by Sir Michael Hopkins and opened only four years ago, has a major problem with its roof. Despite its vast cost - £13.2 million - it has begun leaking like a sieve. The constant dripping from the eaves has been the cause of consternation to regulars in the Portcullis House, which provides offices for 200 MPs and their staff. “As I took a tour of this fine building this morning, I saw what at first sight appeared to be an art installation on the fifth floor,” one of their number muses. “I was rapidly disabused of this notion when I saw rain dripping through the roof into the ‘installation’, which consisted of three red buckets.” All this follows a catalogue of disasters for the building. Aside from the controversy over the £150,000 spent on fig trees from Florida for the premises, there have been rodent infestations, the restaurants have failed a health check, a hawk took roost in the building and MPs have been complaining about the sweltering heat during the summer. The Office of the Clerk of the Houses of Parliament have swung into action already. “The Courtyard roof was leaking,” says a spokesman. “We are already in discussions with the contractors.

If this looks familiar, it’s because you read it here http://bill.verity-networks.com/ext/recess/index.php/2004/09/13/how_much_did_this_building_cost_anyway

Other papers, when they’re pinching my material, have the courtesy to get in touch first and let me know. But not the Standard, which has grown fat and decadent on its monopoly. If you’re fed up with the Evening Standard, perhaps it’s time to contact the Competition Commission about breaking up this monopoly once and for all. http://www.competition-commission.org.uk

Rant over

Recess Monkey

Addendum

Having contacted the Competition Commission, I have discovered that reviews of markets are instigated by the Office of Fair Trading. enquiries@oft.gsi.gov.uk

Recess Monkey

Now you can get to Recess Monkey using the addresses above. No excuse not to visit us more often then.

Recess Monkey

Can people please stop making fun of Ian McCartney. Ian is simply a bloody good bloke and the kind of honest, straightforward politician that we should all aspire to be.

There has been a lot of nonsense in the press recently about his accent being a little bit too working class and on the impenetrable side. We have also heard that dark forces have been “briefing” against McCartney, saying he’s not as telegenic or as image-friendly as Alan Milburn. Well don’t give me ‘not telegenic’! He is very telegenic - it’s just that he’s ahead of his time - McCartney was designed for widescreen.

McCartney is respected in the Labour Party and at 53, could well find himself vying with Milburn for the leadership in the coming decade. Personally, I see him fulfilling a kind of Obi-Wan Kenobi role in the party for the remainder of his political career. But you’d be a fool to rule him out.

Recess Monkey

Still no news on the impending legal battle; St Stevens Tavern vs bruised Researcher.

One of our more sultry staffers received a bonk to the head when a light fitting in St Stephens Tavern took a dive. The lady’s two gallant drinking partners immediately rushed upstairs to confront what they thought was the perpetrator of a deliberate act but it transpired that the light fitting had fallen of its own accord.

The manager of the tavern, seeing a valued customer covered in blood, instantly offered her a drink by way of compensation. However, on the advice of a bloke drinking Stella nearby, she decided to hold out for a steak dinner.

The matter is still in the hands of the lawyers but we’ll update you as soon as we hear more.

Recess Monkey

Portcullis House, home to hundreds of MPs and staff, opened in 2000 to much fanfare and a royal ribbon-cutting.

Understandably, there were some teething problems but in general, staffers here are quite happy with the facilities, notwithstanding a hiccough earlier in the year when none of the toilets worked for a few days.

As I took a tour of this fine building this morning, I saw what at first sight appeared to be an art installation on the fifth floor. I was rapidly disabused of this notion when I saw rain dripping through the roof into the installation, which consisted of three red buckets.

Evidently, this was not a work of art but a necessary accessory. Architect Michael Hopkins, received an enormous cheque and a knighthood for building Portcullis House. I wonder if it’s worth asking those nice people at www.w4mp.org to invite Sir Michael to take a tour and meet some of the people who work here?

Recess Monkey

Michael Howard’s illustrious speechwriter and wannabe MP for Wantage is a member of the famous “Notting Hill Set”, recently noted for referring to a number of aged Tory MPs as “Bed Blockers”.

Ed has an interesting Register of Interests entry. Under Ed Vaizey’s name the registered interests are;

“Occasional freelance work as a political commentator for BBC TV and Radio, Sky News and Five.”

What he hasn’t so far mentioned is his work for lobbyists Consolidated Communications, whose clients include the ever popular Equitable Life, the Association of British Pharmaceutical Industries, online gamblers Pokerroom - and - none other than the nation’s favourite insurance company, esure.

If Vaizey tries to play down his Equitable Life connection or the level of his involvement with Consolidated Communications, this report by the Pensions Reform Group ( http://www.universalprotectedpension.org/reportalt2.pdf ) describes Ed as “Head of Public Affairs” for the company.

I wonder how many Equitable Life policyholders there are in Wantage? If questioned on this by Wantage voters, will he paraphrase Michael Winner? “It’s OK, I’m actually a very good candidate”.

Recess Monkey

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm/cmsecret/040729/memi08.htm
http://www.appc.org.uk/registers/APPC_register_Dec03-May04.pdf

Downing Street today announced the final details of this week’s reshuffle.

Stephen Timms takes Ruth Kelly’s job as Financial Secretary to the Treasury as she moves to the Cabinet Office, Tony McNulty gets a promotion in Transport with Whip Charlotte Atkins replacing him as PUSS; and Kim Howells gets Alan Johnson’s job as Minister for Higher Education, Johnson himself becoming a new entry into the Cabinet as Work & Pensions Secretary.

Some other stuff was announced too but I got bored by that stage.

Muppet show lovers in the DTI wil no doubt applaud Timms’ appointment due to his uncanny resemblance to Beaker.

Londoners will approve of the appointment of Alan Johnson to the Cabinet. Not only is he a very popular MP but his accent will help remind the public that not all Cabinet Members are Scottish. If Tam Dalyell suggested there should be a limit on the number of Scottish MPs appointed to ministerial posts, we could call it the “Linlithgow Question”. Has anyone researched the number of Ministers per head of population from each of the UK’s Nations?

Recess Monkey