With protective walls, screens and armed guards around us, we have lost some of the excitement in our work. The danger that once was in the air, the tension that built up in the heady days after 9/11, has been neutered by increasingly effective parliamentary security protocols. No longer do our mothers feel the need to call during the day, just to make sure we have not been bombed - or was that just my mother?

Anyway, there is an increasing sense of emasculation pervading the Palace and there has been some discussion over the formation of a Parliamentary Fight Club. Of course, the first rule of Parliamentary Fight Club will be, “Do not talk about about Parliamentary Fight Club” so you won’t hear any more about it from Recess Monkey.

But if you see young Staffers in the Debate Coffee Bar queue with a fresh scratch or bruise or maybe a slight trickle of blood descending to the upper lip, then you know the reason why.

Recess Monkey

MPs arranged for themselves an extension to the Easter Recess to enable the erection of a temporary, anthrax-proof screen for the public gallery over the Commons Chamber. This will cost £500,000 - but the permanent replacement, believed to be planned for installation over the Summer, will cost £2m.

Recess Monkey happens to be in the market for a second hand Anthrax-proof screen at the moment. He’s waiting for the temorary screen to be advertised on ebay or loot.

Is the lack of plans for a similar screen in the Lords a comment on their relative value to the British people?

Recess Monkey

Westminster Staffers have received the following warning from the Parliamentary Works Directorate;

“There will be an annual test of one of the Palace’s steam boilers…”
“This involves discharging steam which will form a dark condensate cloud in Boiler House Court. This will quickly dissipate. The test will also produce some loud noise for about 5 minutes. All of this is quite normal during the testing process.”

So, next time you hear a loud noise and see a black cloud emanating from the Palace, don’t panic.

Recess Monkey

Some of you may remember Smack the Pingu and how it briefly slowed down the workings of the British Government, possibly being the true cause of Beverley Hughes’ resignation.

Could Fly Sui be the diversion that brings down a Cabinet Minister?

Fly Sui

Recess Monkey

Sometimes Palace Staffers look longingly at the Greater London Assembly, where staff have better job security - if their member loses their seat in an election, the staff are deemed to be still employed and are redeployed.

However, with the London Elections looming, GLA staff are in fear - not of unemployment - but of being forced into an intolerable post.

In short, there is an outside chance that the BNP could win one seat on the GLA. If this happens, otherwise unallocated staffers could be sent to work for that BNP GLA member. Contractually, they couldn’t get out of it. The choice would be unemployment or career suicide.

Recess Monkey

Today is the day the refreshment department increases the price of food in the Palace eateries. Of course, Staffers are captive consumers as everything nearby outside the precincts of the Palace is extortionately priced, so they can charge what they like within reason.

It’s hard to accept the price hikes when the cafeterias generally run on MP hours rather than staff hours - and there’s no recognition in this year’s pay settlement that the Palace is disproportionately raising our cost of living.

But don’t get depressed and turn to drink. The Double Whammy will come on 30th April when the “review” of alcohol prices is implemented.

Recess Monkey

The Interns’ Network event was so popular, there was a queue to get in and tranches of staffers were shipped out to the Red Lion to form a “splinter group”.

Recess Monkey couldn’t raise the energy to travel to the Red Lion so there are only pics from the Jubilee Room.

pic1
pic2 has been cropped at the request of a staffer who looked more out of it than he was.
pic3
pic4 has been removed to protect the reputation of a member of the 4th estate
pic5
pic6
pic7
pic8
pic9
pic10

Enjoy.

Recess Monkey

Westminster Staffers know there is little chance for career progression while working for an MP - so inevitably, we we cast the occasional glance at the green fields of public affairs, where former Staffers earn £50,000 a year and have unlimited expense accounts.

If that sounds attractive to you, then perhaps you should join the PubAffairs networking group, which holds regular social events and advertises jobs.

pubaffairs.org

One staffer said, “I might go along for the free booze but I’m happy with my salary and conditions and general job satisfaction”.

Recess Monkey said, “Show me the money!”

Recess Monkey

Political Staffers in Westminster and Washington recently formed an email list so ideas and thought can be bounced across the Atlantic.

see the w4mp notice

“Due to a large amount of interest expressed by both US and UK staffers to the recent posting for a UK penpal, I have has created an email list of US and UK staffers who would like to correspond. The list provides a forum for staffers in both Congress and Parliament to ask questions of one another and share their everyday experiences in their jobs. If you are interested in joining this list or would like more information, please email Stephanie at Stephanie.Thornton@mail.house.gov”

Subjects so far discussed include:
Does Democracy inherently compromise other objectives in government?
Are Socialism and the free market mutually exclusive?
Should Washington Staffers form a Union?
Is Hershey’s better than Cadbury’s?

So far the debates have been dominated by Americans so please join and remind them why the Brain Drain went from Britan to the US and not the other way around.

Recess Monkey

Recess Monkey has heard about a Parliamentary Reception for the Biscuit, Cake, Chocolate and Confectionery Association on Monday 19 April. Mr Doug Henderson MP is hosting this event on the Terrace from 7pm.

In no way does this constitute an invitation but it appears there will be “goody bags” full of Biscuits, Cakes, Chocolate and Confectionery so you may wish to blag your way in.

Please remember the rules on gifts. If you leave the event with more than £274.99 worth of cake, you must register the gift with the Register of Members’ Staff Interests.

See you there!

Recess Monkey